Hello.
I'm J. This is an online journal. This blog contains all of my thoughts. If I know you IRL, it would be rad if you left this blog right now and removed it from your brain. I don't want kids from my school knowing my story.
My story.
I started cutting around 4th/5th grade, maybe even 3rd. The reason I started to is because 1. My grandmother had died and 2. My cousin, who was 15 (I think?) at the time, ran away. I remember I broke down once when I was home alone, and my (used to be) very good friend (let's call her E) helped me. She just made me feel really happy. Now E and I don't talk much. She's still depressed and whenever I try to talk to her about it, she'll just slap me. And threaten me. So I like to stay away from her. But I really miss her. She saved me. I hope she she's this and knows how much I fucking want her to understand how much I want us to be friends again.
No one truly knows I cut besides E and my other very good friend L. Once in 5th grade me and two other girls told our 3 best friends that we cut, and they were all in shock. Now one of those girls cuts, and the other two forgot we ever told them.
Another reason I cut is because of this girl, who I still know. She used to think we were best friends, but she was incredibly judgmental. Whenever we'd mention food or anything, she'd say "Yeah, J loves to eat" because she thinks I'm fat. (I'm actually not too fat. I'm normal weight.) We still know each other. She always says she has no friends and she's ugly, when in reality, she has friends and she's gorgeous. Even know she's a bitch and tbh I hate her, I'll be honest -- she's really pretty.
6th grade got really bad for self harm. I don't really know why, but I cut a lot more that year. I cut my thighs mostly. But I later stopped.
Present time.
My cutting has gotten better lately. I haven't cut in a month and 11 days :) Me and E rarely communicate. I have one really good friend. I have a crush on one of my friends, though, and it's ruining me. They're dating a really douchey person. (Like seriously. He/she is a doucheface.)
I have never purged and I never will. I still continue to see E's blogs and wonder how I can help her, but I know when I try she'll just try and stop me.
Two people suspect that I cut. But my scars are so faded that you can't even really see them, so sometimes they''l check my wrist.
That's my story.
This is the beginning to a long life. And I can't wait to share it on this blog. I kind of hope that people don't find this blog. This just helps me get my thoughts out of my brain and onto a page. Don't judge me for what I do. I am still very young and learning through my mistakes. I hope you understand that.
Peace. See you someday.
I'm J. This is an online journal. This blog contains all of my thoughts. If I know you IRL, it would be rad if you left this blog right now and removed it from your brain. I don't want kids from my school knowing my story.
My story.
I started cutting around 4th/5th grade, maybe even 3rd. The reason I started to is because 1. My grandmother had died and 2. My cousin, who was 15 (I think?) at the time, ran away. I remember I broke down once when I was home alone, and my (used to be) very good friend (let's call her E) helped me. She just made me feel really happy. Now E and I don't talk much. She's still depressed and whenever I try to talk to her about it, she'll just slap me. And threaten me. So I like to stay away from her. But I really miss her. She saved me. I hope she she's this and knows how much I fucking want her to understand how much I want us to be friends again.
No one truly knows I cut besides E and my other very good friend L. Once in 5th grade me and two other girls told our 3 best friends that we cut, and they were all in shock. Now one of those girls cuts, and the other two forgot we ever told them.
Another reason I cut is because of this girl, who I still know. She used to think we were best friends, but she was incredibly judgmental. Whenever we'd mention food or anything, she'd say "Yeah, J loves to eat" because she thinks I'm fat. (I'm actually not too fat. I'm normal weight.) We still know each other. She always says she has no friends and she's ugly, when in reality, she has friends and she's gorgeous. Even know she's a bitch and tbh I hate her, I'll be honest -- she's really pretty.
6th grade got really bad for self harm. I don't really know why, but I cut a lot more that year. I cut my thighs mostly. But I later stopped.
Present time.
My cutting has gotten better lately. I haven't cut in a month and 11 days :) Me and E rarely communicate. I have one really good friend. I have a crush on one of my friends, though, and it's ruining me. They're dating a really douchey person. (Like seriously. He/she is a doucheface.)
I have never purged and I never will. I still continue to see E's blogs and wonder how I can help her, but I know when I try she'll just try and stop me.
Two people suspect that I cut. But my scars are so faded that you can't even really see them, so sometimes they''l check my wrist.
That's my story.
This is the beginning to a long life. And I can't wait to share it on this blog. I kind of hope that people don't find this blog. This just helps me get my thoughts out of my brain and onto a page. Don't judge me for what I do. I am still very young and learning through my mistakes. I hope you understand that.
Peace. See you someday.
